I’ve wanted to have a blog for some time now, that actually was meaningful to me and one that could inspire others. I tired just posting photos and made several attempts but nothing stuck. So here we are!
My sister Amanda taught me the value of keeping a journal and I was inspired by her writings and poems. They were so meaningful, eloquent and thought provocking. Yet they were authentic, they came from her reality and life experiences. Whatever she was was feeling was put on paper, no holds barred. I thought how liberating! A place where I could say all that I wanted to without judgement or fear. Needless to say i highly recommend it! Along with meditation which I’ve recently discovered and it is life changing…but that’s for another post.
For those that are close to me and have known me for some time, know that I’m pretty candid, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a fearless communicator. Good, bad or indifferent, I’m not shy. Yet, I’m also very private about the inner workings of my life and there are only a select few that know the depths of my personal life. Over the last year I’ve had my fair share of career obstacles, heartbreak, lose of close friendships, wavering faith of my life’s purpose and passions, family drama and so on. And I have learned a great deal of lessons and I’ve really challenged myself to take a closer look as to why so many things I depended on and believed in suddenly fell by the waist side. I was often confused, hurt and blind sided.
But rather than wallow in self-pity and doubt I’ve decided to share the things I’ve learned. If I was going to be honest with myself I also had to be honest about the picture I was painted to those around me. Why be ashamed of what I was going through? Everyone experiences these things on some level everyday. Fear is the number one reason why we all struggle at times. But the key is to dig deep and free ourselves from what is really plaguing us. Our baggage & pain- Whether it be shame, unworthiness, insecurities…you get the idea.
As I mentioned before my experiences over the last year have brought me to start this blog. And I am about to undergo a major change in my life and start over, more on that in another post. I set this blog up a week ago, I was so excited about it. But when I thought about what my first post would be, I froze. What now? I felt pressure to post something awe inspiring, so what did I do…I ran! Fast. I thought “I’ll wait until something really cool happens that is worth sharing, I’ll wait until this new change in my life happens” But then I realized, thats not what this is all about. Its about being REAL. Not painting a picture.
Once again I had already began to talk myself out of this quest. What was I afraid of? People seeing me unguarded, exposed, vulnerable? Again, I was in the grips of Fear. But the only way out of fear is to face it. To go forward fearlessly. While I made it sound simple, easier said then done…it is true. You just have to JUMP!
As I sit here now, I won’t lie and say that I fully understand everything that has happened to me in the last several months. But I do know that they are lessons, many I have now come to understand while there are still many left undetermined. From many situations I had been left feeling defeated, unworthy, alone, and fearful. Everything I thought I knew and every plan I was going to execute slowly started to deteriorate. I fell flat on my face at a time when my confidence was unwavering and I thought I knew exactly how things would pan out. Where would I go? What would I do now that it felt like I had nothing and no one?
My answer is this: I will start from the bottom and build something new. I will find courage to begin again and follow my passions. Live authentically, from the heart. Although there will be mistakes and occasional set backs I must always be accountable and have faith in the process.
And I challenge everyone to do the same. We are all going through life together and we don’t have to go at it alone! I am here for you and I invite you to come along. So here is my first post, an introduction to my Diary. And hopefully the start of your own.
Thank you for reading!